James Roy Toms

Jim was a big man, in every way - defined most of all by a big heart, which anchored him through an improbable life filled with its share of turns and hurdles, joy and adversity. A patient, listening ear to many in his lifetime, Jim always held special space in his heart for his friends, family, and beloved wife, Donna.

Jim was born in Detroit, Michigan, in 1946, to Cecil and Charlotte (Jojo) Toms. While his youth was spent in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, hunting rabbit and deer with his father Cecil and brother Charles (Chuck), a family move to Detroit exposed him to the likes of Stevie Wonder and The Supremes (who played at his Junior High Prom!), birthing a life-long love of live music.

A natural athlete, his prowess in football was fodder for Roseville High School legend, and earned him multiple athletic scholarships. However, at 18, Jim followed in the footsteps of many in his family before him, and joined the Navy. He served two Tours of Duty in the Vietnam War as a sonar/radar operator aboard submarines and aircraft carriers, such as the USS Oriskany.

Upon his return home to civilian life, Jim found the culture had changed, and he quickly changed with it: attending Michigan State University, he became a leader in student-led protests against the very war he had just returned from, advocating staunchly for peace and justice. In pursuit of a profession in Law, Jim moved all the way to the Pacific Northwest to attend Gonzaga Law School in Spokane, Washington. Around this same time, influenced by the works of Karl Marx, Jim made the bold decision to join a small but fervent group of like-minded friends and move to the woods north of Spokane to live off the land “communally.” Though he attended Gonzaga Law School only briefly, and left the Commune after about a year, this defining period cemented both a lifelong devotion to the Gonzaga Bulldogs, and an irresponsible love of patchouli.

It was one of Jim’s law professors who - after witnessing a student burst into the classroom threatening self-harm, and then watching Jim step forward and calmly talk the student down - informed Jim that he was pursuing the wrong profession. And so Jim left Gonzaga Law School and transferred to Eastern Washington University to finish his education in Psychology. Jim went on to work in the mental health field for 50 years, dedicating his life to listening to those who needed to be heard, with a special interest in couples therapy, which he often did alongside his wife and business partner, Donna, at locations as diverse as the downtown YMCA, Eastern State Hospital, the Camas Center Health Clinic, and Cedar Bridge Counseling Associates, the private practice he co-ran for over 25 years.

Throughout many of these professional years, Jim continued to pursue a life of athleticism. His interest in Eastern Religion and Philosophy introduced him to martial arts such as Gōjū-ryū Karate, which he studied under renowned Japanese master, Sensei Teruo Chinen. Jim was very soon traveling with him to Europe and South Africa, achieving a 5th-degree black belt, and was chosen to represent the United States in the 1984 World Championships, and as an alternate for the exhibition matches at that year’s Olympics in Los Angeles.

But not even world-class martial arts could satisfy this man of action. Jim Toms built three homes (that we know of), though none could ever be considered “finished”—improvement projects were in a constant state of “in process”, a reality his family found equally infuriating and charming. He was an avid motorcycle-enthusiast, and often drove his son to elementary school on the back of his Honda Goldwing, despite the school being a mere 3 blocks away. Many would say his most impressive achievement was his glorious, meticulously coiffed mustache, first grown aboard ship in Vietnam, then fostered and cultivated for decades (only shaved twice in his entire life), which would be seen as a testament to his dogged, and defining, tenacity.

Jim Toms lived a big life, following his heart fully, deeply, honestly, and this was never more evident than in his joy any time he was near his cherished family. A widower, Jim lost the love of his life, wife of 31 years Donna Carolyn in 2019. The visible spark, palpable delight, deep respect and regard for one another were evident to all who knew them as a couple, and Jim mourned Donna’s loss every single day. Jim is survived by son Connor (wife Hana Lass), daughters Alisia Hallett (husband Andy Edwards) and Paeca Hallett, and beloved grandchildren Aidan, Nicholas, and Dahlia. Jim never had trouble expressing his deep feelings for the lucky souls who knew him intimately, and those expressions of love will be a profound absence for each of them.

Gifts in memory of Jim Toms may be made to The Humane Society of the United States, a cause he held close to his heart: https://www.humanesociety.org/.

Celebration of Life information to follow.