Gay Simmons

She was preceded in death by her sister Lutie Ann (Davis) Conklin Luedeke, and by her husband Herbert Ray Simmons.

She is survived by her son, James “Jim” Simmons, and his spouse, Mark Ketter, of Langley, Washington; her sister, Sue (Davis) Stevenson and her spouse Larry Stevenson of San Juan, Texas; and her brother, Dean Davis, and his spouse Jeane of Mico, Texas.

The family would like to thank the caregivers at Ashford Senior Living – Rotary Park Adult Family Home in Shoreline, Washington, and previously at Ida Culver House - Ravenna in Seattle, for the care and compassion they showed Gay throughout her ten-year journey with vascular dementia.

Gay’s ashes will be scattered in a private ceremony in the Salish Sea off the coast of Whidbey Island. In lieu of flowers, consider donations in her honor to Old Dog Haven or Pigs Peace Sanctuary.

https://olddoghaven.org/

https://www.pigspeace.org/main/index.html

Gay’s Journey

Born on April 20, 1937, in Haworth, Oklahoma, to LeFlore (Melson) Davis and William Jeff Davis, Gay was the first of four children, followed by her sister Sue, brother Dean, and sister Lutie Anne. She grew up in San Juan, Texas, where she learned early the values of hard work, resilience, and creativity. As a girl, she made many of her own clothes, and during the summers the family traveled to Oregon to pick fruit so they could earn money for school clothes.

After graduating from PSJA (Pharr–San Juan–Alamo) High School in 1956, Gay earned certifications in typing, stenography, and bookkeeping.

When her sweetheart, Herbert Ray Simmons of Edinburg, Texas, returned from service in the Korean conflict and was honorably discharged from the Air Force to San Francisco, California, Gay surprised him, boarding a Greyhound bus to be with him. The two were married at the historic courthouse in San Francisco in March 1957, beginning a partnership that would span decades of change, challenge, and adventure.

Their son Jim was born in 1961. During their early years together, the family lived in San Francisco, spending weekends driving the coast and enjoying the beach. In 1965, they purchased their first home in their favorite beach town, Montara, California. Herb worked for the U.S. Postal Service, commuting daily into San Francisco before dawn, while Gay worked as a clerk typist for various organizations and eventually as a bank teller in Half Moon Bay.

Gay loved cooking Mexican food, which she learned from Herb’s mother Nellie. She made fresh masa tortillas, enchiladas, and guacamole. She encouraged Herb’s dream of owning a fishing boat and often accompanied him on the ocean in the small wooden boat he had restored by hand, tending the engine and steering while he reeled in fish.

As a mother, Gay encouraged Jim’s curiosity, creativity, and independence. She fostered his love of reading from an early age. She had a natural ability to connect with children and became a beloved presence among Jim’s neighborhood friends, who played an important role in his life as an only child. She supported all of Jim’s interests, including music, figure skating, and even sewing Halloween costumes for him and his friends.

Like many couples, Gay and Herb faced difficult seasons. They became parents young and worked hard to make ends meet during the 1960s. After Herb lost a brother in the Vietnam War, their lives changed profoundly. In the summer of 1972, they made the difficult decision to divorce, a choice that required tremendous courage and meant selling their family home.

Gay packed a Ford Pinto with Jim and their 70-pound Labrador retriever, driving through the deserts of California, Arizona, and New Mexico in the intense summer heat to Bloomington, Texas, where they moved into a house Gay’s father built next door. Despite the hardship of the trip, Gay turned the journey into an adventure, stopping at curio shops, caves, and historic sites along the way. She and Jim spent the 1972-1973 school year living with her parents.

Gay and Herb remained in touch, and Gay missed the cool ocean air she had come to love—the scent of eucalyptus, sage, and the sea. In June 1973, she packed the car once again and drove back to California in a small caravan that included Herb’s mother.

Gay and Herb reunited and settled into a new home in Montara in 1973. Herb tended a vegetable garden while Gay cooked and cared for the home, transforming the small 720-square-foot house into a warm and welcoming place with views of the mountains and beach. In her free time, Gay enjoyed reading, crocheting, sewing, and painting. They married each other again in 1975, with Jim attending as one of the witnesses.

Jim graduated from college and in 1988 moved to Seattle to pursue a career in computer science.

After Herb retired from the Postal Service, the couple enjoyed road trips along the California coast, sharing their love of nature. A few years into retirement, Herb suffered a stroke and Gay took over his care. In 1997, she sold their home and moved them to Seattle to live near Jim in a handicapped accessible home. There they welcomed Jim’s partner Mark into the family attending Jim and Mark’s commitment ceremony, a meaningful full-circle moment in their relationship with their son.

After Herb passed away on St. Patrick’s Day in March 2003, Gay began the next chapter of her life. She rented attic and basement apartment spaces in her home to friends and acquaintances. She made everyone who visited feel welcome. No one who visited her home remained a stranger for long. She was generous with food, hospitality, encouragement, and opportunities for work and support.

Gay loved animals, especially dogs and pigs and adored her two basset hounds, LuLu and Katie. LuLu was even crowned Queen of the Basset Bash in Woodinville, Washington, while dressed in a Miss Piggy costume.

She remained deeply independent and adventurous, travelling to Alaska with Jim and Mark, and to Oaxaca / Panama Canal with a friend. She also enjoyed meeting new friends in a local Red Hat Ladies social group. Her sense of adventure, along with the companionship of her dogs, helped her build friendships and community wherever she went.

In 2018, Gay moved into assisted living with her basset hound Katie.

Gay will be remembered for her spontaneity, generosity, laughter, independence, unconditional love, and enduring sense of adventure. Her sense of unconditional love, tenacity and warmth live on in all who knew and loved her.